Sunday, December 30, 2018

Videogame Hotties: Kai

She's a sniper.  She has a hat that looks like cat eats.  She has a nice butt.  It's Kai from Valkyria Chronicles 4.


Kai is a cute, but tough little sniper.  On top of having looks, she's an officer, which means using her gives you extra command points.  She can also command a small little group of her own, thanks to the SP system.  Also, as a minor spoiler, Kai isn't her real name, but a name she goes by.  I won't say why, but you better believe she's got a secret.

Look at Kai, standing like a G.
Another secret is what's under that cloak.

Okay...if you say so.
One thing that isn't a secret is her cute hat.

Her "cat ears" are the last thing a dead enemy sees.
Neither is her nice butt.

With a butt like this...

...teammates can't help but grab a handful of it...

...and ignore a perfectly good chest.
Nor is her insatiable appetite for bacon.

She really loves bacon.

We'll see if that changes after her first heart attack.
And her aim can't be beat.

The enemy is up crap creek now.

Poor guy, staring right in the face of his own death.
She's not afraid of a good fist fight.


And she can take a bullet as good as she can give one.

Is this the end of Kai?
She can get overbearing when she wants to.

The dreaded motherly lecture, complete with the raised finger.
That's just because she cares, though.

Ignore the abrasive words.  She cares.
And that's Kai.  She's cute, tough, and caring.  Oh, and her butt isn't bad.  If you want a woman who can blast heads with the best of 'em, she's the one for you.  Check her out in Valkyria Chronicles 4.

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection Review (PS4)

Do you love Street Fighter?  Do you find the series absolutely irresistible?  Well, now you can relive those childhood memories with the Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection.


Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection is just what is sounds like.  You get to enjoy not one, not two, but twelve classic games in one.  You'll get to see how the series evolved from shitty beginnings in the original Street Fighter to the glorious SNES/Genesis/Arcade days of the 1 million versions of Street Fighter 2 and the Alpha series and even further with the Street Fighter 3 series.

From shit to greatness, it's all here.
There's not much that can be said about the gameplay that hasn't already been said.  You pick a character and beat the crap out of everyone in 1-on-1 combat until you make it to the final boss, then beat the crap out of them, too.  It a simple concept, but it's never been easy.  This is especially the case the original Street Fighter, which is nearly unplayable.

No woman is man enough to fight Guile.
In most Street Fighter games, the controls are fluid.  This is what makes the original Street Fighter so shitty compared to the others.  The controls are terrible, as the character you're playing seems to do whatever they want.  You want to throw a roundhouse?  Too bad, because Ryu doesn't want to do one.  Want to do a shoryuken?  It may come out, but only if Ken feels like it.  Want to jump?  Yeah...you get the point by now.

Another problem the original has that the others don't is the characters.  In the original, you only get two characters; Japan and USA, or Ryu and Ken respectively.  The others have a wide selection of characters.  There are some secret characters in a few of the games, but they're all there.

The original Street Fighter allows you to choose from a whopping TWO characters.

Some characters require a little bullshit to play as.
Okay, I'm done bashing Street Fighter.  Let's take a look at the collection as a whole.  The graphics are as fine as 2D games from the 90s get.  They are kind of pixelated, but these they've held up well for the most part.  As is with most of these retro collections, you have borders at the edges of the playfield which can be turned on/off at your leisure.  They're fine, but a fullscreen resize would have been much appreciated.  Even the fullscreen setting seems a little small until you adjust.  Widescreen seems a little too big, but maybe it's just me.

The widescreen setting is the worst of the three in my opinion.

Cammy's butt has held up well over the years.  Just look how proud of it she is.
The music you love is also back.  Guile's theme doesn't go with everything, but it does go with this game.  I'm a fan of the music from the Street Fight 3 series, but all of the games have good music...except the original game (last time, I swear).  Thank goodness there's a sound test, so you can enjoy these songs without taking an ass whuppin'.

The music is all here.  No need for endless searching.
One notable flaw across the entire collection is the lack of game modes.  You only get the arcade mode and online modes.  This sucks particularly in the case of Street Fighter Alpha 3, as the original PlayStation version had a fun challenge mode that's not present here.  There's nothing outside of the mechanics of each game to shake things up.

The game isn't with SOME extra morsels, though.  As mentioned before, there is a sound test so you can rock your head to the music in peace.  There's concept art, character profiles, and a timeline filled with extra artwork.  A timeline to show how the games in the Street Fighter expanded universe are connected would have been nice, but I guess you can't have everything.  Now that would have been a real treat.  Sadly, there's nothing to unlock and (thankfully) there's no DLC, so what you see is what you get.  You don't have to work for anything.  It's all just given to you.  Whether that's a good thing or not is up to the player.

Everything you ever wanted to know about your favorite characters is here.

Ryu want YOU...to play this game.

Sakura enjoys fighting, thinking about Ryu, and sunsets by the river.

Zangief needs nothing more than his underwear to battle bears and snow.
The in-game save is a great feature these types of games.  It's a good way to pick up where you left off if you're making good progress and you suddenly have to leave or get stuck on a particular opponent.  It's also a good way to cope with M. Bison's cheap tactics and Gill's bullshit, allowing you to walk away when he's starts to get on your nerves and come back when you calm down, which will save your game controller from a collision with the nearest wall.  Purist and the hardcore crowd may scoff at such a thing, but people with less time or patience will be thankful for it.

In the end, Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection is a game for Street Fighter purists.  All the games are here in their naked arcade glory.  The game is pretty bare when it comes to game modes and that sucks.  The original Street Fighter is shit, but it's still an important part of the series.  Almost all the games are endless fun.  Check it out.