As a hypernerd, I play a lot of games. Naturally, you're going to come across some shitty ones if you play long enough. I don't intentionally seek out bad games. There are other people who do that so much better than I ever will. But sometimes, you think, "this looks interesting," or, "this can't be as bad as advertised". After all, I did a list of bad games that I enjoy and still play to this day. This list is different. This, in no particular order, are five turds that I could not polish enough to get any enjoyment out of.
5. Mindjack (PS3)
Mindjack is the ultimate example of "cool idea, terrible execution". The music is good and the concept of possessing other people and fighting as them is a great idea. Unfortunately, you actually have to play the game and that's where the problems start. It's glitchy, twitchy, and shitty. This is an example of a game where I just had to see if a good concept could overcome bad execution. Sadly, in the case of Mindjack, it can't. Oh, well. At least the music is good.
4. SimCity 2000 (PS1)
Ugh, the control. The control breaks everything this game had going for it. It's a decent city builder, but the control is just too much to overcome. Being slow and choppy doesn't do it any favors, either. Do yourself a favor and stick with the PC version.
3. Cuties Hacked (PS4)
It's one of those games where you have to make cuts to reveal a certain percentage of a picture before you run out of lives. Your reward for doing so is getting a picture of a cute (but poorly drawn) woman. There are traps and enemies that will do everything in their power to stop you from retrieving your jerk material. Honestly, the gameplay isn't that bad. So if it's not bad, why is it on this list?
There is one bigtime flaw that sinks the game; you need to be online to access all the girls. First, you have to buy all but two of the girls. You'll still pay less than ten dollars for the game, so that's not too bad, even if it's still shitty. No, the bad part is that you need to be online to play their levels and view their pictures. In other words, you need to be connected to use content you already paid for. Even if you've already beaten those levels, you can't replay them or view the pictures unless you're connected. WTF? That is total BS.
2. Extinction (PS4)
If I was making this list in order, this would be number one. I've already done a review on it, so I won't go into detail here. Trust me when I say that this is the shittiest game I own. Yes, it's even worse than Mindjack. Stay away from this turd.
1. Burning Fight (PS2)
I didn't want to add this one for two reasons. First, it's a part of a compilation and I was only trying to put stand-alone games on this list. Second, it's a beat 'em up, one of my favorite genres. But, the game is just so shitty, I had to.
The game has a few things going for it. The graphics are good. The music is solid. I like the atmosphere of the first level. On the next level, there's a chick with sexy legs trying to run you through with a knife and you get to beat the crap out of Hulk Hogan. That's where the positive end.
When you first start playing, the combat doesn't feel too bad. "It's not Final Fight or Streets Of Rage, but it's serviceable." But if you keep playing, you'll see how crappy it is. You'll be dodging dynamite, get beaten by cowards with chains, shot by guys who look like Inspector Gadget, and jumped on by gay, sumo-wrestling, Mexican truckers. That's not all, but the point is you'll be getting beat left and right and it seems like there's nothing you can do about it. Everything just feels wrong after the first level. This game should be good, but it isn't.
And those are the five shittiest games in my personal collection. Obviously, there are shittier games out there. As I said before, I don't go out of my way to hunt down shitty games that don't at least look interesting. I DO have a big backlog, so maybe there will be a part two someday. Until then, what are the shittiest games in your collection? Comment and have your voice heard.
