Valkyria Chronicles Remastered Review (PS4)

The rich just keep getting richer with this PlayStation 4 port.  The original Valkyria Chronicles was a masterpiece when it came out.  In this remaster, the original is back and better than ever.  Everything looks and feels better and with all the DLC included right out the box, there's no way you can lose.

You play as Welkin Gunther and his (mostly) hilarious band of misfits known as Squad 7.  You're mission is to go out and beat the crap out of the bad guys, known as the Empire.  But with your forces (Gallia) are badly outmatched, so how can you possibly win?  Simply hop into a rickety, old tank and blow them to heck, that's how.

Welkin is a decent protagonist and a decent guy, too.

Tanks rule in this game and the Edelweiss (your tank) is the king of them all.  Seriously, this relic can rape all the newest, cutting edge tanks.  As powerful as it is though, the Edelweiss has weaknesses.  This is where the aforementioned band of misfits come in.

Welkin rarely fights on foot, choosing to stay tucked away in the Edelweiss.

Squad 7 is comprised of a bunch of zany characters who will make life easier for Welkin and his tank.  There are five different job class and lots of characters to choose from.  You can choose up to twenty of these knuckleheads to give you the edge you need to win.  Balance is the key to choosing your team, so you'll be prepared for whatever the enemy throws at you.

Whether it's badasses like Jane...

...dorks like Walter...

...or whatever this guy is, there is a character for everyone.

Even Vyse, Aika, and Fina from Skies Of Arcadia show up.

For job classes, you have scouts, who can run and shot far, but have the defense of wet toilet tissue.  Up next you have shocktroopers, who only have average movement, but they'll kick any ass they can get near.  Lancers, who fight with rocket launchers to help the Edelweiss kill enemy tanks, are slow and hearty.  Snipers are deadly backline fighters who move slow, but shoot the farthest, potentially taking out enemy foot soldiers with a single shot.  Finally, engineers are a jack-of-all-trades type, who can repair any damage the Edelweiss takes, among other things.  As you can see, there aren't many job classed, but they are diverse.  The enemies have access to these same classes, so learn what they can and can't do to keep from taking an ass-whuppin'.

Part of the balance you'll need isn't just based on job class, but a character's Potentials.  Potentials are a set of strengths and weaknesses for each character that can make or break you party.  These are unlocked as characters level up and they are not always good.  Some characters will actually get weaker as they level up depending on their potentials, so watch out.  Fortunately, you can take these characters out of you team, so you won't be stuck with a crappy character.

The actual combat is good.  First, you deploy the characters of your choice.  Then, you pick a character who you can freely move around until their action gauge runs out (or earlier if you wish).  If an enemy is within the character's attack range, take aim with your weapon and blow them to heck.  The enemy may dodge the attack and/or counter attack if you're within their range, so be careful.  Anyway, kill as many people as you can until you accomplished the objective, whatever that may be.

Combat has too many elements to explain here.

There is a tactical element to the game.  First off, while you're moving units around, the enemy will usually attack if you get within their attack range.  You'll want to make sure you end your character's turn behind cover, couching if possible, or they will likely die in seconds.  Cover can include walls, trenches, bunkers, or the Edelweiss itself.  The Edelweiss is practically invulnerable to bullets, so don't worry about whether or not enemy scouts or shocktroopers shooting it.

The Edelweiss isn't invincible, though.  Enemy tanks and lancers can harm and potentially destroy it, resulting in an instant game over.  Also, whatever you do, don't let the enemy hit the tank's radiator (that glowing thing on the back) as that's usually a one-hit kill on the Edelweiss (or any tank for that matter).  So protect that radiator at all costs.

Even foot soldiers can take out a tank if they hit the radiator.  Protect the Edelweiss's at all costs.

The graphics are like a full motion comic book.  It even spells out some of the sound effects comic-style, like how when you stand behind a tank and the radiator goes R-r-mble.  On the whole, the graphics are charming.

Is it just me or is the Rrmmble of the radiator kind of cute?

The music is mostly good.  It's epic, heavy with violins and trumpets.   It fits well with trench and tank warfare.  The battle themes are all good.  The peace themes are a mixed bag.  

The story is pretty good, filled with highs, lows, lots of fighting, and even a few unexpected twists.  There are some boneheaded moments to the story (you'll know them when you see them), but it's enjoyable for the most part.

You'll get your shot a assholes like this guy.

What we have here is a remaster of a masterpiece.  Good story, good graphics, good characters, good music, the whole package is here.  There's a lot of stuff I couldn't touch on because there's simply too much to cover.  It will tide you over until Valkyria Chronicles 4 comes out.  Don't miss it.

Cool Characters: Jane Turner, Wendy Cheslock, Aika Thompson, and Catherine O'Hara

Here we go.  A quartet of gun-totting ladies from a darned good game.  Bloodthirsty Jane Turner, crazy Wendy Cheslock, wacky Aika Thompson, and zany Catherine O'Hara are some of my favorites from Valkyria Chronicles.  So, out of all the characters, what makes these four gals stand out?

In the case of Jane Turner, what she lacks in beauty, she makes up for with being a badass.  She's worthy of the last name Turner, as she "turns" Imperial soldiers into Imperial corpses.  They had it coming, coming between her and her flowers.  Her hitpoints are fairly low for a shocktrooper, but her potentials are strong.  She also has funny lines that show her bloodlust, especially when her Sadist potential activates.  "Umm...scream for me."

Just a small tip; don't be an "Imp" around her.

She's not the best looking woman...

...but even tanks can't stand up to her toughness.

When Sadist activates, it's one of the single funniest moments in the game.

Jane attempts to smile after putting holes in Imps.

Wendy Cheslock is just a nutcase.  She's obsessed with a bombs (too bad it's not reflected in her fighting style) and wears facepaint like she's trying out for the NFL.  She's has some pretty funny dialogue when attacking.  "You're gonna get shot!"

Wendy has an "explosive" personality.

She may not carry more grenades than anyone else, but she still has more than enough firepower.

Wendy's not afraid to crawl in grass and dirt to get the kill.

Yeah!

Catherine O'Hara is my personal favorite as far as snipers go.  She's a grizzled veteran (though she doesn't look it) like Largo and Captain Varrot.  She's got some funny dialogue, which is bolstered by her accent (Irish, perhaps).  Her potentials are hit and miss, as is her accuracy.  Honestly, she plays well enough and her accent puts her above the rest.  "I'm not done yet."

Just because it's a warzone doesn't mean you can have a stylish haircut.

Like any good sniper, Catherine relaxes while waiting for the kill. 

Catherine will always let you know that she's not done yet.

Aika Thompson has a different kind of coolness.  She doesn't have overpowered potentials, witty dialogue, or a nice accent.  Her appeal come from being from a different game.  She (as well as Vyse and the Medic) comes from the legendary RPG, Skies Of Arcadia.  There's a certain novelty that come from seeing her trade in her boomerang for a rifle.  It's not really her, but yet it's still her.  "Bang, bang, baby!"

Here look may be a little off, but this IS Aika.

Aika's ready to blast heads with a big gun and her trademark twin tails.

After chasing Vyse around the world, naturally she's become a good runner.

Aika celebrates her contribution to Gallia's cause.

There you go.  Four cool women from one awesome game.  Look for them in Valkyria Chronicles.

Cool Characters: Jahn Lee

Every good fighting game has a Bruce Lee wannabe.  Street Fighter has Fei Long.  Tekken has Marshall Law.  Not to be outdone, Dead Or Alive has Jahn Lee.

Jahn Lee is a unique Bruce Lee wannabe, simply because of the fact that he does not look like the martial arts legend at all.  So, what makes him a wannabe?  He's a male jeet kun do practitioner.  That's usual all it takes to be a wannabe.  To be fair, though, he does howl out Bruce Lee's trademark "Watah!" while performing a powerful strike.

Jahn rings Eliot's bell while using Eliot to ring a bell, all while screaming "Watah!"

As a character who uses jeet kun do, he's obviously going to share some moves.  He a lot of the ones fans will recognize, such as the multiple palm strikes into a vicious kick and the legendary flying kick.

Palm strikes, soon to be followed with a vicious kick.

Any good Jahn Lee player must learn how to successfully the backfist.

Eliot takes up residence on the floor, like most of Jahn Lee's opponents.

Jahn shows amazing flexibility with this downward kick.

Also, as proof the that the girls of DOA aren't the only ones with expansive wardrobes.  Jahn styles can vary.  In one fight, he's be a bare-chested warrior.  In the next, he might trot out there looking like a member of the Yakuza.  And being a Bruce Lee wannabe, he has some outfits inspired by the legend.

That table and chair set is no match for Jahn in this outfit.

Jahn, looking very much like a Dynasty Warriors character here.

Jahn looks like he'd be at home in the Yakuza series in this outfit.

While not an exact replica, hardcore Bruce Lee fans know where the inspiration for this outfit came from.

And that's Jahn Lee.  He may not look the part of a Bruce Lee clone, but he has the moves, the sounds, and even some of the outfits.  And of course, he's cool in his own right.  Check him out in the Dead Or Alive series.

Cool Hotties: Mila

The Dead Or Alive series is known for its hot women.  At first there were only a few, but as of Dead Or Alive 5 Last Round, if you include DLC and guest characters, there are over twenty ravishing and not so ravishing beauties to choose from.  While most are hot, a lot fewer of them are cool.  Mila, the MMA-fighting waitress, happens to be one of the select few in that elite group.

Mila is a little different from the other women in the cast.  As mentioned earlier, she's a waitress, which means she's the only woman with a "real job".  Whereas the others are happy being ninjas, college students, and pro-wrestlers, Mila is blue-collar, waiting tables and serving customers (quite poorly, I might add).

After hours, though, she likes to go to the gym and bust some heads.

The punch hasn't landed yet, but Kokoro knows nothing but pain is coming.

Heck, sometimes she doesn't even wait to get to the gym.  She'll walk right outside and fight in her work clothes.

Unable to resist a good fight, Mila will fight with her hat and apron still on.

She uses a few moves ripped straight out of a mixed martial arts fight like knee strikes and arm-breaking holds.  There are some simple punches and kicks, as well as other moves, mixed in there.

One punch can send an opponent flying.

Mila uses an uppercut to knock Kokoro retarded.

Mila uses vicious knee strikes...

...and bludgeons opponent with her ground-and-pound game.

Depending on your perspective, Kokoro is either very unlucky or very lucky.

Is this the end of Kokoro?  Look how far Mila turns poor Kokoro's head.

Of course, every DOA girl has to have an expansive wardrobe.  She has outfits that are both sexy and functional.

Mila can be sexy and practical...

...or up the sexiness without losing the practicality...

...or turn up comfort without losing the sexiness.

This is DOA, though, so the are some outfits that are just there for the sake of being sexy.

No female on DOA is immune to this.  Mila is no exception.

She also happens to be a big fan of Bass Armstrong.  Such a big fan, she wants to enter the DOA tournament and beat the crap out of him.

Mila takes in the feel of victory on the biggest stage of all.

And that's Mila.  She's sexy, yet practical.  She's fun, yet vicious.  But most importantly, she's cool and hot at the same time.  Check her out in Dead Or Alive 5 (and hopefully future games in the series).