Videogame Hotties: Kai

She's a sniper.  She has a hat that looks like cat eats.  She has a nice butt.  It's Kai from Valkyria Chronicles 4.

Kai is a cute, but tough little sniper.  On top of having looks, she's an officer, which means using her gives you extra command points.  She can also command a small little group of her own, thanks to the SP system.  Also, as a minor spoiler, Kai isn't her real name, but a name she goes by.  I won't say why, but you better believe she's got a secret.

Look at Kai, standing like a G.

Another secret is what's under that cloak.

Okay...if you say so.

One thing that isn't a secret is her cute hat.

Her "cat ears" are the last thing a dead enemy sees.

Neither is her nice butt.

With a butt like this...

...teammates can't help but grab a handful of it...

...and ignore a perfectly good chest.

Nor is her insatiable appetite for bacon.

She really loves bacon.

We'll see if that changes after her first heart attack.

And her aim can't be beat.

The enemy is up crap creek now.

Poor guy, staring right in the face of his own death.

She's not afraid of a good fist fight.

And she can take a bullet as good as she can give one.

Is this the end of Kai?

She can get overbearing when she wants to.

The dreaded motherly lecture, complete with the raised finger.

That's just because she cares, though.

Ignore the abrasive words.  She cares.

And that's Kai.  She's cute, tough, and caring.  Oh, and her butt isn't bad.  If you want a woman who can blast heads with the best of 'em, she's the one for you.  Check her out in Valkyria Chronicles 4.

Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection Review (PS4)

Do you love Street Fighter?  Do you find the series absolutely irresistible?  Well, now you can relive those childhood memories with the Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection.

Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection is just what is sounds like.  You get to enjoy not one, not two, but twelve classic games in one.  You'll get to see how the series evolved from shitty beginnings in the original Street Fighter to the glorious SNES/Genesis/Arcade days of the 1 million versions of Street Fighter 2 and the Alpha series and even further with the Street Fighter 3 series.

From shit to greatness, it's all here.

There's not much that can be said about the gameplay that hasn't already been said.  You pick a character and beat the crap out of everyone in 1-on-1 combat until you make it to the final boss, then beat the crap out of them, too.  It a simple concept, but it's never been easy.  This is especially the case the original Street Fighter, which is nearly unplayable.

No woman is man enough to fight Guile.

In most Street Fighter games, the controls are fluid.  This is what makes the original Street Fighter so shitty compared to the others.  The controls are terrible, as the character you're playing seems to do whatever they want.  You want to throw a roundhouse?  Too bad, because Ryu doesn't want to do one.  Want to do a shoryuken?  It may come out, but only if Ken feels like it.  Want to jump?  Yeah...you get the point by now.

Another problem the original has that the others don't is the characters.  In the original, you only get two characters; Japan and USA, or Ryu and Ken respectively.  The others have a wide selection of characters.  There are some secret characters in a few of the games, but they're all there.

The original Street Fighter allows you to choose from a whopping TWO characters.

Some characters require a little bullshit to play as.

Okay, I'm done bashing Street Fighter.  Let's take a look at the collection as a whole.  The graphics are as fine as 2D games from the 90s get.  They are kind of pixelated, but these they've held up well for the most part.  As is with most of these retro collections, you have borders at the edges of the playfield which can be turned on/off at your leisure.  They're fine, but a fullscreen resize would have been much appreciated.  Even the fullscreen setting seems a little small until you adjust.  Widescreen seems a little too big, but maybe it's just me.

The widescreen setting is the worst of the three in my opinion.

Cammy's butt has held up well over the years.  Just look how proud of it she is.

The music you love is also back.  Guile's theme doesn't go with everything, but it does go with this game.  I'm a fan of the music from the Street Fight 3 series, but all of the games have good music...except the original game (last time, I swear).  Thank goodness there's a sound test, so you can enjoy these songs without taking an ass whuppin'.

The music is all here.  No need for endless searching.

One notable flaw across the entire collection is the lack of game modes.  You only get the arcade mode and online modes.  This sucks particularly in the case of Street Fighter Alpha 3, as the original PlayStation version had a fun challenge mode that's not present here.  There's nothing outside of the mechanics of each game to shake things up.

The game isn't with SOME extra morsels, though.  As mentioned before, there is a sound test so you can rock your head to the music in peace.  There's concept art, character profiles, and a timeline filled with extra artwork.  A timeline to show how the games in the Street Fighter expanded universe are connected would have been nice, but I guess you can't have everything.  Now that would have been a real treat.  Sadly, there's nothing to unlock and (thankfully) there's no DLC, so what you see is what you get.  You don't have to work for anything.  It's all just given to you.  Whether that's a good thing or not is up to the player.

Everything you ever wanted to know about your favorite characters is here.

Ryu want YOU...to play this game.

Sakura enjoys fighting, thinking about Ryu, and sunsets by the river.

Zangief needs nothing more than his underwear to battle bears and snow.

The in-game save is a great feature these types of games.  It's a good way to pick up where you left off if you're making good progress and you suddenly have to leave or get stuck on a particular opponent.  It's also a good way to cope with M. Bison's cheap tactics and Gill's bullshit, allowing you to walk away when he's starts to get on your nerves and come back when you calm down, which will save your game controller from a collision with the nearest wall.  Purist and the hardcore crowd may scoff at such a thing, but people with less time or patience will be thankful for it.

In the end, Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Collection is a game for Street Fighter purists.  All the games are here in their naked arcade glory.  The game is pretty bare when it comes to game modes and that sucks.  The original Street Fighter is shit, but it's still an important part of the series.  Almost all the games are endless fun.  Check it out.

My Rating System

As you might at the very end of my game reviews, I don't give a number value.  I give a word value instead.  What do all these words mean in numbers?  Allow me to elaborate.  This is my rating system.

Don't Miss It

This is basically my equivalent of the 9-10 score range.  These are darned good games that must be tried at least once by anyone likes videogames.  There's no such thing as a perfect game, but this is as close to perfection as games can get.  Think about games like the Batman Arkham series and Super Metroid and you have an idea of what it takes to get here.

Play It

My 8-9 range.  Great games that may have a tiny flaw or other games do what they do slightly better than them.  You'll go back to them for multiple playthroughs.  Ultra Street Fighter 4 is an example of the games in this range.

Check It Out

My 7-8 range.  Good games that are largely fun.  There's a flaw or two, but they are massively outweighed to the fun factor.  Most games I review will usually fit here.  If you need names, the Dynasty/Samurai Warriors series usually falls here.

Buy With Caution

My 6-7 range.  Most games in this category are good or even great, held back only by one fatal flaw, the most prevalent being an overreliance on DLC.  Games like the overwise flawless Street Fighter 5 series fit solidly in this range.

Give It A Try

My 5-6 range.  Unlike in school, 50% is a passing grade to me.  These are usual good solid or good games that have several flaws (possibly big ones), but are still enjoyable overall.  Games like Mighty No. 9 make their home here.

Not Recommended

My 4-5 range.  Games that are flawed to the point of being broken or nigh unplayable.  What I consider to be the very edge of playability.  They may have a saving grace or some level of charm, but these game largely suck.  Controllers may fly when these games find their way into your console.  Rumble Roses is fine sampling of games in this range.

Pass On It

My 4 and under range.  These games are pretty shitty.  With 1-4 ratings being represented, there are varying degrees of shittiness (not a word, I know).  Some are like stepping on a dog turd barefoot, crappy but survivable or playable even.  Others like going down Crap Creek without a paddle, so shitty that you'll be glad when the experience is over...if you even decide to finish it.  In all cases, the flaws totally negate any good points.  The most redeemable thing is the potential comedic value of these games.  I've had the good fortune of not playing a lot of these, but games like the Game Gear version of Sonic Spinball are stuck here in the shit tier.

And that's my rating system.  You may or may not agree with how I rank some games and that's fine.  I have no problem with disagreements, as long as it's respectful.  As usual, feel free to comment and have your voice heard.

Extinction Review (PS4)

Killing monsters, wall climbing, gliding, and super moves.  What's it all add up to?  It's time to dive into Extinction.

Extinction is a game where you run around a town, killing trolls and rescuing people.  There are man-sized trolls that are easily killed (for the most part).  You also fight giant troll that you kill by slicing them in the back of the neck.  It's like the manga Attack On Titan minus all the charismatic teenagers and Levi.

Speaking of characters, you take the role of Avil, a sword-wielding badass.  As mentioned before, Avil can really get around.  He's able to claim walls like Spiderman, glide like Knuckles the Echidna, tree hop like a ninja, and use a rope to get higher like the kids from Attack On Titan.  The act of maneuvering itself isn't a problem.  Controlling that maneuverability is a slight problem, though.

Our protagonist, Avil.

Avil feels floaty when running.  Also, when wall jumping, it's hard to get down and if you stuck between two buildings, forget it.  And on that note...the tree hopping.  Holy crap.  There are times when you want to just drop to the ground, but your idiot avatar won't let that happen.  He'll just keep tree hopping until he runs out of trees.  It's so...derpy.  It's almost like the game is trying to be more epic than it really is.

The combat is button-mashy when fighting smaller trolls, but not really.  If you just mash buttons, you will take cheap shots and learn how weak Avil really is as some monsters will kill you is three hits.  You can upgrade Avil, but the upgrades do NOTHING.  Those red monsters who can will kill you in three hits at your weakest will still kill you in three hits when you're at your strongest.  Avil simply doesn't feel like he's getting any more powerful.

The only thing upgrading is good for is looking at this cool screen.

Then, you have the battles against giants, which are ripped straight out of Attack On Titan.  You simply climb up the giant's back and decapitate him by slicing the back of his neck with your super move.  It can be tough to get up there with the giant running, jumping, and flailing around, but it can be done.  You can also slice off their arms to keep them from destroying stuff and their legs to keep them from moving around for a bit.  These limbs will grow back, so hurry and cut off the head.  Giants can wear armor, making things slightly more difficult (and a lot more annoying).  Oh yeah, try not to get hit or stepped on as this is usually (not always) instant death.

You can target arms or legs, but slicing off the head is the only way to kill giants.

You don't necessarily fail the mission when Avil dies.  But when the town dies, you fail.  That's right.  The town you fight in has a life bar which goes down when citizens are killed and when the giants destroy buildings.   You can think of it as a time limit of sorts.

When this number hits 0, you're screwed.

Saving to save citizens is a problem.  You find these idiots standing near crystals waiting to either be saved by you or killed by trolls.  Saving them requires you to stand completely still and charge crystals to "beam" them away.  This sucks if an enemy materializes nearby, because they can kill citizens before you can rescue them or attack you, forcing you to stop charging the crystal until you fight them off.  Also, citizens often get killed and you can't do anything about it.  Either you won't know where they are or you simply won't be able to get to them before they are killed.  You simply won't be able to save everyone.  Luckily, none of them are important, so fair enough.

When saving citizens, pray that a troll doesn't wander past and kill them and/or you.

Outside of the main campaign, you get three additional game modes; Daily Challenge, Extinction, and Skirmish.  These shake things up a little, but they are largely the same.  Kill monsters, save the town, and try not to get killed doing it.

Well, on to the little stuff.  The controls are good, but you can't change them.  All you can do is look at them.  The button layout is perfectly fine, but it would have been nice for players who don't like it to change it.

You may or may not like these controls, but you'd better get used to them.

The graphics are alright, just not what I was expecting.  Everything looks too bright for such a dark subject.  I expected something darker and grittier.  The enemies don't look threatening, but slightly silly.  The cutscenes remind me of Avatar the Last Airbender, which is nowhere near being a bad thing.

Big trolls don't look too intimidating, but they can one-hit KO you.

The cutscenes are pretty good.

The music is pretty forgettable.  I think there's music, but I really don't remember.  I can't tell you whether or not it's good or shitty.  Seriously the only song I remember is on the title screen, which sounds like any old trailer for a summer blockbuster.

And there's DLC, if you want it.

Ultimately, Extinction is one of those games best described as being good in theory, but bad in execution.  There are some cool ideas here and the presentation is nice, but the gameplay is trash.  It's sad, because there is a good game under there somewhere.  Pass if you can.

Senran Kagura Dream Teams

Senran Kagura a decent, girl-heavy series of games.  There is some good variety throughout the series.  There are multiple brawlers, as shooter in Peach Beach Splash, and even a cooking game in Bon Appetit.  There's a game to suit your tastes.

Of course, Senran Kagura is all about the girls.  Some are cool, some are cutesy, some are cringey.  It's quite the mix.  They are all divided into different factions, usually by school.  However, I have some factions of my own in mind.  These are some Senran Kagura factions, created by yours truly.

1.  Team Cringe

Roster: Katsuragi (captain), Ryona, Ayame, Kagura, Murakumo

With sexual harassment being her hobby, there's no way Katsuragi wasn't going to be the captain of this team.  Aspiring to be like Katsuragi was enough to get Ayame a spot right alongside her.  Ryona is here because...who gives a shit?  Murakumo wears that creepy mask.  As for Kagura...dem eyes.

2.  Team Cutesy

Roster:  Kafuru (captain), Mirai, Naraku, Minori, Hibari

The main trait of most of these girls is that they are all under five feet tall.  Hibari is the exception to this, but her star-shaped eyes and overall cutesy appearance helped her lock up a spot.

3.  Team Badass

Roster:  Daidoji (captain), Yagyu, Homura, Miyabi, Hikage

These girls just look like they'll whup somebody's ass.  A few of them even look like cute guys.  This series really does have a girl for everyone.

4.  Team Lame

Roster:  Haruka (captain), Asuka, Leo, Soji, Yuyaki

These are the girls I play ass the least.  Leo, Soji, and Yukaku have an extra element because Peach Beach Splash is the first time I've seen them.  Their contribution to the PBS story doesn't add up to jackshit, leading to me being initially intrigued, but ultimately not caring about them.  Haruka is the embodiment of lame.  I want to like Asuka but...just can't.

5.  Team MHCLB

Roster:  Rin (captain), Renka, Ikaruga, Imu, Yumi

MHCLB is an acronym for Mature, Hot, Cool, Loyal, Beautiful.  Rin is mature, being the eldest of the group.  Renka's hot because...she is.  Ikaruga is cool because she has the outfit, weapon, and personality.  Imu is loyal, but only to Miyabi, which could throw off team chemistry.  Finally, Yumi is beautiful because her ice-based attacks are pretty to look at.  So, why are these girls a team?  They are the cutest girls.

6. The Derp Duo

Roster:  Ryoki, Hanabi

When clumsy meets stupid, this team is the result.  OMFG, these girls are derpy.  At least Ryoki has some good things going for her, with her only real flaw being that she's DEAD!

7. Team Eyeful

Roster:  Kagura (captain), Hikage, Hibari, Ryobi, Ryona

Dem eyes, though.  These characters all have unusual eyes.  Kagura's eyes look like flowers or machine gears (I can't tell).  Hikage is a cat-eyed bitch.  Hibari has star eyes.  Ryobi and Ryona each have a green eye and a blue eye.  Also, Ryona...who gives a shit?

8.  The Alternators

Roster:  Yagyu, Mirai

They both wear eyepatches over the opposite eye, so the name fits.  Also, perhaps it's a huge coincidence, but both girls use umbrellas as weapons.

9.  Life And Death

Roster:  Jasmine, Ryoki

Jasmine is life, being a younger version of an 81-year old woman.  Ryoki is death, having died at 17.  It's pretty cringy to think of either of them as attractive, because one is 81 and the other is DEAD!

10.  The Old School Ass-Whuppin' Duo

Roster:  Rin, Daidoji

Two former students of Hanzo Academy in their mid-twenties.  Rin is hot, stealthy, and probably smart.  What Daidoji lacks in looks, she makes up for with her ass-whuppin' skills.  A good brains-and-braun duo.

11.  The Head Breakers

Roster:  Daidoji (captain), Ayame, Katsuragi, Hibari, Yozakura

These character only need their fist and feet to decimate enemies.  Katsuragi kicks them into submission, Yozakura punches them into oblivion, Hibari uses bitch-slaps to humiliate them, and Ayame finishes them off with punches and kicks, and Daidoji uppercuts them to the moon.  They'd better protect their breast around Katsuragi, though.  An interaction between Daidoji and Katsuragi could be funny.

12.  The Crackshots

Roster:  Ryoki (captain), Ryobi, Mirai, Kafuru, Ryona

These girls use some type of gun as their weapon.  Ryobi has a sniper rifle with built into axe in the bunt.  Mirai's umbrella shoots homing shots.  Kafuru uses water pistols to shoot water bullets that ricochet all over the place.  Ryona uses...who gives a shit?  Ryoki marches out there like a G, armed with a shotgun and shield.

13.  Team Ju-on

Roster:  Jasmine (captain), Kagura, Ikaruga, Mirai, Ryoki

The unifying feature of these characters is their long, black hair, just like the vengeful spirits from the Ju-on movie series.  The kicker here is that Ryoki actually could be one of those spirits on account of being DEAD!

14.  The Theme Team

Roster:  Ikaruga (captain), Murasaki, Ryoki, Yumi, Renka

These characters have the coolest themes in the series.  Ikaruga, in particular, has a badass theme, making her the captain.

15.  DJ Ryoki and Rapmaster Hikage

Roster:  Ryoki, Hikage

Ryoki rips it up on the turnstiles while Hikage busts out some sick lyrics.  Sadly, Ryoki actually does go by DJ Ryoki for a short time.  At least both gimmicks were kind of funny.

And these are a few teams I thought of at a glance.  Think Shiki was left out unfairly?  Think Ryoki is on too many?  Do you have any Senran Kagura dream teams?  Comment and make your voice heard.