Sonic 3D Blast Review (PS4)

Normally, I avoid reviewing bad games on purpose.  This is because I try to play games I think I like or at least games that interest me.  Sonic 3D Blast is one of those games.

At first glance, Sonic 3D Blast looks like a good game.  I mean, it's Sonic, moving around freely in a top-down environment with that old-school Sonic look.  What's not to like?  Pretty much everything else.

Sonic's first attempt at running in a 3D world is a failure.

The goal is in line with the other old Sonic games.  Run through levels, collect the Chaos Emeralds, and whup Dr. Robotnik's ass.  Rinse, lather, repeat.

There are some game-changing differences this time around, though.  First, the Acts are divided into multiple sections.  To get from one section to the next, you MUST find and kill every enemy to free the Flickies trapped inside.  You take the Flickies to the end of the section, jump through a giant ring, and then you can proceed.  You do this until you finish the Act.  Then you go through Act 2 before a showdown with Dr. Robotnik in Act 3.  Besides being forced to kill every enemy, it sounds good, old-fashion Sonic action, right?  Too bad the execution was so shitty.

Get the Flickies to these rings to move on and beat the level.

As mentioned before, the graphics are good...to an extent.  The problem lies in being able to judge things.  You're never sure when you can be hit by a hazard and when you're safe.  Attacking feels off, especially when trying to jump into enemies because you're never sure where you're going to land.  Will you hit the enemy or will you land in front of him and wind up getting hit?  Do yourself a favor and use the Spin Dash instead, but be careful.  The slightest miscalculation will send you zooming past and bouncing off the nearest wall like a pinball.

Being one centimeter off will send you into the spiked ball instead of the enemy.

Another issue is the game physics.  Sonic moves way too fast and his movement feels slippery.  It's like he's wearing roller skates on an ice rink.  If you try to huff it, you'll constantly be running into bullets and bombs.  Basically, you want to tread carefully or you'll get raped.

Lousy level design is another issue you'll have to deal with when choosing to play this turd.  Bullshit traps litter each and every level.  Bad design combined with terrible physics make for a headache-inducing, controller-flinging experience.  Just...WTF?

Bring plenty of controllers before attempting this level.

Also, the some of the Flickies act like pricks, making them hard to collect.  The blue ones will walk right up to you, making them the smartest.  The other ones behave like retards, which can cause you to get killed chasing them down if you're in the wrong place on the level.  By far, the red ones are the stupidest, hopping around fools on speed.  You'll want to leave them, but you have to save them all if you want advance through the levels.

Some of the "Prickies" act like they don't want to be saved.

To collect Chaos Emeralds, you have to find Tails or Knuckles and give them rings to warp to a bonus level.  You'd better make sure you have at least fifty of them or you won't go to the bonus level.  They'll still take your all of your rings, though.  Darned crooks.  Isn't Tails supposed to look up to Sonic?  When did he become such an asshole?

Find these pricks to enter a crappy bonus level.

The music is okay, but it's a step down from usual Sonic fare.  It sounds like Sonic music with a pinch of retardation mixed in for a unique flavor.  Not bad.  Just a SLIGHT bit different.

Sonic 3D Blast is a terrible game across the board.  Shitty physics, shitty level design, shitty ally AI (looking at you, Flickies), stupid enemies, and lame bosses all come together in one big toilet bowl disguised as a Sonic game.  The music and graphics aren't too bad, but they aren't that good, either.  This is easily the worst of the Sonic games from the Genesis era.  It's a part of the Sega Genesis Classic collection, so try it there just to see how bad it is.  Otherwise, pass this one up or kill it with fire.

Sega Genesis Classics Review (PS4)

Well, it time to plop down in from of you TV and play the games of you childhood once again.  That is assuming were a child of the 90's.  If you weren't a child of the 90's, it's time to plop down in front of your TV and learn exactly why many feel the 90's was the greatest era in gaming.  This is Sega Genesis Classics.

As you may have guessed, Sega Genesis Classics is a compilation of Genesis games.  You take the role some person (who's never shown for obvious reasons) sitting at home playing Genesis games.  This person has quite the library, with between fifty and sixty in their collection.

Your room is the main menu...

...and these are your games.

On to the games.  Much like with most compilations, there's some good games, some bad games, some okay games, and some games that are straight-up garbage.  You have great games like Shadow Dancer and Streets of Rage, but you also have trash like Sonic 3D Blast and Flicky.  In other words, there is a game for you, whether you like good games or shitty games.

From good games like Shadow Dancer...

...to shitty games like Bonanza Brothers, there's something for everyone.

There are some VERY questionable omissions, too.  Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles are the two most obvious ones.  You could make a case that those games are in every Sonic or Sega compilation, but you'd have to follow that up by asking why they kept trash like Sonic 3D blast and Super Thunder Blade 4 from earlier collections.  It is quite the head-scratcher why they choose to include some trash, while excluding gold.

The additions are a mixed bag filled with interesting games.  That are games like Land Stalker on the good side.  On the bad side, you have trash like Galaxy Force 2.  Smack in the middle, you have Alien Soldier and the like.  Good or bad, compilations potentially give you a chance to play games you may not have played before.  This one passes that test.

Alien Soldier is one of the more fun and interesting additions.

Additions aren't just limited to game, though.  You also have the ability to fast-forward and rewind games.  Then, you have challenges, which are meant to...well...challenge you.  Finally, you have Mirror Mode, which flips things around for a new type of challenge.  Honestly, two or three more GOOD games would have been better the ability to FF/Rewind, but what can you do.

Simply playing Sonic 3D Blast is oddly absent from the Challenges menu.

Turn on Mirror Mode to play the games backwards.

One sweeping flaw is that the music stutters sometimes.  You'll be sitting there, playing a game and rocking your head to a familiar song, then the music will stutter like an overworked Pentium processor.  It can mess up your flow, but obviously it's not game-breaking.  Still, you'd figure the PS4 could handle 16-bit music with no trouble (the PS3 could).

Also, the interface seems clumsy, especially when exiting or trying to save a game.  When in a game, you have to hold the touchpad until the game feels like bringing up the menu.  I understand it's like this because a PS4 controller doesn't have a Select button (like PS3 controller) and the touchpad is too easy to hit, hence you'd have to hold it to keep from accidently bringing up the menu during intense play. Still, it feels clunky and weird.

On to the little stuff.  The music varies from game to game, so is hard to truly judge.  Some games DO have better music than others.  From the classics in Sonic the Hedgehog to the kick-ass themes in E-Swat, you should like the music.  Even Sonic 3D Blast has a good boss theme (the game is still trash, though).

As for extras...what you see is what you get.  In other words, there are no real extras.  No unlockable games, no interviews, no nothing.  The previous collection on PS3/XB360 had all these things.  Why aren't they here?  As mentioned earlier, I'd have preferred a few more games the belong in a classics collection rather than Mirror Mode and FF/Rewind.

Like the music, the graphics vary from game to game.  Some games have crisp, clear graphics (Like Sonic 2), while others are so messy, it's hard to tell what's going on (Sonic 3D Blast once again).  One minor flaw across the board is that there's no TRUE fullscreen graphics.

On the whole, this is an okay collection of games.  There are a few games that don't belong in a compilation that claims to be filled with classics, but most clearly have a place here.  There's plenty of variety.  You have platformers, shooters, brawlers, puzzlers, and RPGs all on one disc.  There are questionable exclusions and no extras, but it's a solid collection at a low and tidy price.  If you're a fan of the Genesis, don't miss it.  For everyone else, check it out.

Cat Quest Review (PS4)

It's the penultimate in cuteness, a game where you play as a cat.  Not just any cat, though.  You're a cat on a quest.  It's Cat Quest.

You take the role of a nameless cat who's capable of killing dragons.  In other words, you play as a cute and cuddly badass.  You're goal is to rescue his sister, who was kidnapped in the intro video.  You can arm your cat with weapons, armor, and magic to help him along.  Naturally, he's the silent type, letting a ball of fluff that resembles a cat do all the talking.

You can find a number of cute, little weapons for kitty.

If you ever want kitty to use magic, find an Arcane Temple and get ready to pay up.

Whatever the heck this thing is, it does the talking for the protagonist.

Speaking of talking, there are a lot of cat puns that get flung around.  NPCs and the ball of fluff just can't get enough of spitting them out like chewing tobacco.  Heck, even the otherwise silent protagonist let's out a deep "meow" when he gets hit.

It's not just limited to the dialog either.  The locations you go to have usually have some kind of cat reference attached to them.  Have you ever been to your nation's "Catpital?"  Have you ever sailed across the "Pawcific Ocean?"  Perhaps you been to "Bermewda's Triangle."  Stuff like this is all over the place and is kind of cute.

When you have time, scamper over to "The Catpital"...

...and have a look at the "Paws" menu.

In case you haven't figured it out by now, this game tries its hardest to be as cute as it can be.  You play as a cute little protagonist armed with cute, little weapons traveling around a cute, little world killing cute, little monsters.  This game has a severe case of what I like to call Atelier Syndrome.

Explore a cute, little overworld filled with cute, little monsters...

...then go into cute, little caves filled with even more cute, little monsters.

Not to be underestimated, though, things ratchet up the further north you go.  The monsters are still cute and little, but the ass whuppin' you'll receive for fighting them isn't.  When an enemy is too strong, a cute skull appears next to their life bar when before you fight them.  Fortunately, you can roam freely, so you're not stuck fighting any enemy you don't want to fight.  Of course you can challenge them, but you'll want to level your kitty up a little.  This is where the second part of the title comes into play; Quests.

Quest make it so you don't have to grind, like most RPGs when you get to a point you get past.  You can opt to grind by fighting weak enemies.  Taking quests makes things faster, though, and tell you more about the citizens of the world.  Much like powerful enemies, quests that are too tough will be marked with a skull.  Most of these quests are interesting, so give them a try.

Take care when taking missions with the red skull.

On to the other stuff.  The graphics do the job.  Things are cute and colorful.  If there is one complaint that could be made, it's that they seem a little too small.  Maybe it's just me.

The music is what you'd expect of an adventure game.  The world map theme has an epic, spirited feel without being too epic or too spirited.  The music in the caves sounds dark and mysterious without being too dark and mysterious.  You get the point.

When you get right down to it, Cat Quest feels like a well-done Indie game.  It's better than most of the stuff you'll find on Kongregate.com or websites like that, but it doesn't really feel like it belongs a current-gen console like the PS4.  It's not a bad game, though.  It's pretty fun, as a matter of fact.  Check it out.

Videogame Hotties: Rosie?

Racist.  A middle-school dropout.  Short-tempered.  Tough.  These are all words that can be used to describe Brigette "Rosie" Stark of Valkyria Chronicles.  Is hot one that's often left out unfairly?  Ehhhh...

Brigette "Rosie" Stark is a member Squad 7, under the command of Welkin Gunther.  She has the honor of being the only shocktrooper who's relevant to the story.  She's also the bitch of the story-relevant protagonists.

Rosie has a few of benefits that players of Valkyria Chronicles will be familiar with.  First, she's a shocktrooper, which means she's good at dishing out ass-whupings while being able to take quite the ass-whuppin' herself.  Second, she's a ranked officer, which means she gives an extra Command Point simply by being on your active team.  She's also one of the few characters who wears a skirt, which means...panties?  No, you'll have to settle for bloomers (or whatever those things are).

Rosie's one of the few characters who can give you an upskirt.

With her twin bun hairstyle, she looks kind of like a mouse with a machine gun and an attitude.

Take Minnie Mouse when she's on her cycle and give her a machine gun.  That's Rosie.

As stated before, though, Rosie is very flawed as a person.  She dropped out of middle school, hence she lacks education, which she is very sensitive about.

Rule #1 to getting along with Rosie: don't call her stupid.

Perhaps because of her education level, she has a hatred for Darcsons (a fact Isara MAY have alluded to).  Poor Isara takes the brunt of her wrath (to Isara's credit though, she doesn't back down).

Isara is Rosie's favorite Darcson to chew out.

Despite being a bigot, she's not completely without a soul.

Is this the look of someone without a soul.

She even knows how to let a grudge go.

Rosie and Isara share a moment.

Rosie and Isara get over their grudge.

She's not afraid to joke with others.

Rosie shares a moment with war correspondent Irene Ellet.

Or show off her goods (or lack thereof) in a swimsuit.

Rosie carries herself like a starlet when on the beach.

She truly cares for fellow shocktroopers.

Big Sister may activate when she's near an allied shocktrooper.  "After me, kiddos."

She can even sing.

Those are some great lyrics, huh?

She even blows a kiss to enemies she's killed.

Hope that gloves were clean before she kissed it.

Just don't expect her to fight in the desert.

She doesn't do well in "dust traps."

And that's Rosie.  She may not have Jane's personality or Catherine's looks.  Heck, she's not even a good person.  But she's not a total waste...right?  Check her out in Valkyria Chronicles.

Valkyria Chronicles Remastered Review (PS4)

The rich just keep getting richer with this PlayStation 4 port.  The original Valkyria Chronicles was a masterpiece when it came out.  In this remaster, the original is back and better than ever.  Everything looks and feels better and with all the DLC included right out the box, there's no way you can lose.

You play as Welkin Gunther and his (mostly) hilarious band of misfits known as Squad 7.  You're mission is to go out and beat the crap out of the bad guys, known as the Empire.  But with your forces (Gallia) are badly outmatched, so how can you possibly win?  Simply hop into a rickety, old tank and blow them to heck, that's how.

Welkin is a decent protagonist and a decent guy, too.

Tanks rule in this game and the Edelweiss (your tank) is the king of them all.  Seriously, this relic can rape all the newest, cutting edge tanks.  As powerful as it is though, the Edelweiss has weaknesses.  This is where the aforementioned band of misfits come in.

Welkin rarely fights on foot, choosing to stay tucked away in the Edelweiss.

Squad 7 is comprised of a bunch of zany characters who will make life easier for Welkin and his tank.  There are five different job class and lots of characters to choose from.  You can choose up to twenty of these knuckleheads to give you the edge you need to win.  Balance is the key to choosing your team, so you'll be prepared for whatever the enemy throws at you.

Whether it's badasses like Jane...

...dorks like Walter...

...or whatever this guy is, there is a character for everyone.

Even Vyse, Aika, and Fina from Skies Of Arcadia show up.

For job classes, you have scouts, who can run and shot far, but have the defense of wet toilet tissue.  Up next you have shocktroopers, who only have average movement, but they'll kick any ass they can get near.  Lancers, who fight with rocket launchers to help the Edelweiss kill enemy tanks, are slow and hearty.  Snipers are deadly backline fighters who move slow, but shoot the farthest, potentially taking out enemy foot soldiers with a single shot.  Finally, engineers are a jack-of-all-trades type, who can repair any damage the Edelweiss takes, among other things.  As you can see, there aren't many job classed, but they are diverse.  The enemies have access to these same classes, so learn what they can and can't do to keep from taking an ass-whuppin'.

Part of the balance you'll need isn't just based on job class, but a character's Potentials.  Potentials are a set of strengths and weaknesses for each character that can make or break you party.  These are unlocked as characters level up and they are not always good.  Some characters will actually get weaker as they level up depending on their potentials, so watch out.  Fortunately, you can take these characters out of you team, so you won't be stuck with a crappy character.

The actual combat is good.  First, you deploy the characters of your choice.  Then, you pick a character who you can freely move around until their action gauge runs out (or earlier if you wish).  If an enemy is within the character's attack range, take aim with your weapon and blow them to heck.  The enemy may dodge the attack and/or counter attack if you're within their range, so be careful.  Anyway, kill as many people as you can until you accomplished the objective, whatever that may be.

Combat has too many elements to explain here.

There is a tactical element to the game.  First off, while you're moving units around, the enemy will usually attack if you get within their attack range.  You'll want to make sure you end your character's turn behind cover, couching if possible, or they will likely die in seconds.  Cover can include walls, trenches, bunkers, or the Edelweiss itself.  The Edelweiss is practically invulnerable to bullets, so don't worry about whether or not enemy scouts or shocktroopers shooting it.

The Edelweiss isn't invincible, though.  Enemy tanks and lancers can harm and potentially destroy it, resulting in an instant game over.  Also, whatever you do, don't let the enemy hit the tank's radiator (that glowing thing on the back) as that's usually a one-hit kill on the Edelweiss (or any tank for that matter).  So protect that radiator at all costs.

Even foot soldiers can take out a tank if they hit the radiator.  Protect the Edelweiss's at all costs.

The graphics are like a full motion comic book.  It even spells out some of the sound effects comic-style, like how when you stand behind a tank and the radiator goes R-r-mble.  On the whole, the graphics are charming.

Is it just me or is the Rrmmble of the radiator kind of cute?

The music is mostly good.  It's epic, heavy with violins and trumpets.   It fits well with trench and tank warfare.  The battle themes are all good.  The peace themes are a mixed bag.  

The story is pretty good, filled with highs, lows, lots of fighting, and even a few unexpected twists.  There are some boneheaded moments to the story (you'll know them when you see them), but it's enjoyable for the most part.

You'll get your shot a assholes like this guy.

What we have here is a remaster of a masterpiece.  Good story, good graphics, good characters, good music, the whole package is here.  There's a lot of stuff I couldn't touch on because there's simply too much to cover.  It will tide you over until Valkyria Chronicles 4 comes out.  Don't miss it.