Dead Or Alive 6 Review (PS4)

The supreme 3-D fighting game is back.  It's another installation of fast action and hot game girls.  It's time for DOA 6.

I must admit, I was afraid of DOA 6 for a while.  The action would be dumbed down, the girls would be covered up, and...Nico, were all things that I heard about that gave me pause when deciding whether or not to make the leap from DOA5 Last Round.  Upon diving in, however, my fears were alleviated for the most part.  The things that make a good DOA game are mostly present and accounted for.

The gameplay is as good as it's ever been.  You pick a character and whup the asses of any opponent you're matched up against.  At first I was worried when I saw video footage that seemed to show super moves called Break Blow.  Fortunately, these moves aren't game-breaking.  For the most part, the game is still combo-and-counter based and lightning fast.  There are a few new things added (such as the aforementioned Break Blows), but it's still the same game you know and love.  It just felt so good to play and I found it hard to pull myself away.

Don't worry.  Break Blows don't break the game.

The roster weighs in at a healthy 24 characters (26 if you downloaded Nyotengu and Phase 4) and should only get bigger through DLC.  Obviously, there are omissions since the last game, most notably the Virtua Fighters (hoping Pai returns).  Hopefully, they make some good additions.

You can't talk about the roster without talking about the new characters, Diego and Nico.  Diego is a street brawler who looks good and hits hard.  He fits right in and feels satisfying to use.  His moveset is small and not overly complicated, like Kasumi or La Mariposa.  As a result, if you're new, you should probably start with him.

Go Deigo, Go!

If you mess with Dora, you'll have to answer to him.

Nico, as I stated before, is the one who scared me.  She's a anime-looking teenage scientist who can shoot lightning, like a Sith Lord in glass.  Fortunately, she wasn't anything as stupid as that last sentence sounded and won me over fast.  She's a dork, but she's fun to use.  She's even kind of cute in an anime way.  She not a buxom beauty like almost everyone else, but she's less cringy than Marie Rose.  Anyway, she's a solid addition as well.

That's a heck of a nickname there.

She may be a dork...

...but she's quite electrifying.

Marie Rose can only cry as she looks at the superior character.

DOA wouldn't be DOA without the costumes.  As I said, this was something that scared me because I like my polygonal T&A.  Most of the girls have at least one hot outfit, even Marie Rose (just saying that felt weird).  The problem is unlocking outfits.

Unlocking outfits is total bullshit.  You can grind for eighty years in one of the single-player modes, which sadly may not be a joke.  Clearing survival mode grants you one, ONE costume part.  Seeing how as the costumes could have between 100 to 1000 (!) parts, this is madness.  Nobody is going to waste time playing at least 1000 times to unlock one outfit they probably don't want.

The T&A is there, but you have to WORK for it.

To make matters worse, the outfit part you get the parts to is totally random.  For example, let's say you're trying to outfits for Nico.  In previous entries, you would simply pick Nico, beat the game with her and you'd get her next outfit.  But not in this game.  Here, you play as Nico, beat the game and you might earn one part for Jahn Lee or whoever the game feels like giving you a part for.  This is sadistic, boneheaded, and just plain bad game design.  It's already bad enough their so finicky with the parts, but for them to not be for the character you're playing as is stupid.  What was wrong with the old system?  Do yourself a favor and get the patch to increase how many parts you get.  You'll still have to grind, but at least you may have the patience to do it.

Garbage like this shouldn't have made it into the final game.

For those who don't have the patch, playing the quest mode is the more tempting option to unlock outfits.  Here, you do different tasks during fights and if you complete them all, you'll get hundreds of parts.  The two big flaws here are that the parts you earn are still random and also, there's the issue of potentially wasted points.  For example, let's say you earn a do a quest and earn 300 costume points.  Those points could randomly go to an outfit that only needs 100 points to unlock, while the remaining 200 points fly off into the ether.  They don't go to another outfit.  They're just...gone and you can't get them back.  I have no idea why they did it this way, but once again, this is bad game design.

If you're trying to get outfits, you'd better do DOA Quest.

Then, you have the story mode.  It's confusing and fragmented, but it is still better than the story mode in DOA 5.  People fight for stupid reasons, like Lisa (or La Mariposa) fighting Helena for seemingly no reason, but at least it's not as stupid as Jahn Lee starting a fight with Kokoro because she didn't catch some nunchucks.  Also, it's kind sloppy.  For example, in one fight you play as Kokoro and you have to beat Nico.  After winning, Kokoro goes back to the table and finds a picture, but Nico is simply gone.  Did she run away in defeat?  Is she knocked out, lying on the ground?  Is she in handcuffs in the back of a police car?  Did Kokoro vaporize her with a palm strike?  You never see what happens?  One minute, she's trying to sympathize with Kokoro, then gets her ass kicked and just vanishes.  It's weird.  The story has humorous moments as well, like Brad Wong and Nyotengu sitting together and knocking back a few.  On the whole, I liked the story.

What else is weird is that Tag Mode is missing.  Much like the outfits, Tag Mode is a DOA staple, yet it's not here.  Why not?  Maybe it got squeezed out to make room for the DOA Quest, but considering how they screwed up with unlocking outfits, that's probably a good thing.  After all, the best part about Tag Mode is that you could unlock costumes for characters you weren't good with by pairing them up with a character you were good with.  Maybe they'll put it in a future version of the game, but with the game as is, it's not a big loss.

Another weird thing is that you'll often fight the same opponent multiple times in Arcade Mode.  For example, on one playthrough Bayman was may first opponent, then he also wound up being my last opponent.  In another playthrough, my final two opponents were Honaka.  It's not bad or off-putting.  Just weird.

Well, on to the little stuff.  The graphics are good.  The guys are ripped, the girls are cute, clothes get torn, and characters get bruised up.  You can see the flaws if you catch it right, but for the most part the graphics are fine.  It's worth noting that every time you fire up the game, you're welcomed by a random character.  If you set someone as your main character, though, that character will menace you every time you fire up the game until you change it.

You waifus are still as cute as they ever were...

...but the wounds of war will show.

The music is fairly weak.  Some of the new songs just don't do it for me.  You can unlock and use older songs, though, so it's no big deal.  The lip synching during the cutscenes is terrible, but that's not usually a big deal to me, so I won't knock it too much on that front.

DOA Central is were you buy outfits, music, learn more about the world of DOA with the Encyclopedia and do other stuff.  For Lore Whores like me, the Encyclopedia is nice.  Also, this is where you get to fix which character you see on the menu screen if seeing random characters throws you off.

Determining which waifu glares at you on the menu screen is just one of the things you can do in DOA Central.

There's DLC if you want it.  But if you're going to cough up another $90, you really have to want it.  There's some stuff that caught my eye (such as the return of Mai Shiranui), but on the whole, $90 seems excessive.

I can say as much good as bad as I can about DOA 6.  It's a fun, good-looking game that grabs you and doesn't let go.  The story is goofy, but not as bad as DOA 5's.  I have to dock some points because costumes have always been such a big part of the series and the unlocking system sucks.  Once you get over the bullshit with the costumes, though, you still have a pretty good game.  Just like every other game in the series.  Honestly, you probably should wait for the inevitable Ultimate and Last Round versions, but I can still give it a recommendation as is.  Check it out.

Sonic Mania Plus Review (PS4)

Sonic the Hedgehog.  One of the most beloved characters in gaming history.  Sega's Captain.  Mario's rival.  Through big hits and terrible misfires, he's been alive and kicking for decades.  So is this entry a hit or a miss?  This is Sonic Mania Plus.

Sonic Mania is a true return to form, going back to the things that made Sonic great to begin with; running and jumping.  It's funny to think that a series could be at it's best when it was so simple, but that's the case with Sonic.  No boosting, no werehog, no wisps, no homing attacks, no human love interest.  Just going to the right side of the screen as fast as you can.  It's back to basics and it's great.

The game isn't completely without gimmicks, though.  The biggest of these is the ability to choose from five different characters, each with their own unique quirks.  Sonic is just regular old Sonic, running fast and jumping high.  Tails can fly, which is very useful, but leaves him vulnerable (he can kill enemies from underneath, though).  He can also swim underwater.  Knuckles can glide through the air, taking out any enemies he hits.  He can change direction mid-glide and climb walls, too.  Mighty can crash straight to the ground mid-jump, which is good for precision platforming and simply getting out of the way of danger.  His jump also seems to give him a type of shield, which can deflect bullets or under certain circumstances, protects him from spikes.  Finally, Ray (who I consider the game's hard mode) can do a weak glide maneuver, during which he is totally vulnerable.  It's like they took the worst parts of Knuckles and Tails and made a character out of that.  They all give the game that classic feel while keeping things fresh.  Ray is kind of lame, but they all add something to the gameplay.

There's an assortment of characters to choose from.

The gimmicky shields from Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles make their glorious return, which is anything but bad.  I liked those shields are I'm glad to see they are back.  These shields each have special effects and give Sonic a special jump.  The first time I burned down a wooden bridge using the fire shield, I thought, "Whoa.  That never happened in Sonic 3."  Or how about using the electric shield to cling to magnetic surfaces.  These updates are neat and make different shields preferable on certain levels (or areas of those levels).

The shields allow you to do some pretty cool stuff.

Also, the most of the bosses have unique gimmicks to shake things up.  In one battle, you'll simply jump into whatever Dr. Robotnik is riding.  In another mission, you'll have to force him into spikes to damage him.  In yet another battle, you have to undertake the unexpected task of beating him in a round of The Mean Bean Machine.  It's like the creators said to themselves, "How can we shake things up without ruining the game?"  The end result is that the bosses are sometimes unexpected, but perfectly beatable in 1-3 lives.  A few of them are annoying and require some serious trial-and-error, but you shouldn't see the Game Over screen.

One of the bosses is a less shitty version of Mean Bean Machine.

The levels are old-school side scrolling with some being updates on levels you've played in past games. They seem long and fun to explore.  Some levels will have you pushing the time limit (10 minutes), but you can turn it off for a more relaxing experience in these instances.

Sadly, the old-school nature of the game means something not so good; cheap shots.  You'll take plenty of sucker punches, especially during your first playthrough.  Bullets will suddenly fly into the screen and if you don't have a shield, you're getting hit.  Enemies will wait on top of ledges and hit you with a perfectly-timed shot as soon as they come screen, sending you plummeting back to where you came from or to your death.  It can be irritating, but not game-breaking.

Well, it's time to get to the little stuff.  The graphics are nice and colorful, just like all the Genesis era Sonic games.  The music is what you'd expect from a Sonic game.  Put it on your MP3 player and crank it up.  You can also unlock stuff by acquiring medals in the bonus stages.

Collect medals here to unlock stuff, such as Sonic CD's Super Peelout.

There are other game modes, with Encore Mode being the highlight of them.  It's basically the normal Mania Mode but you'll get a chance to play as all the characters on the same playthrough.  You'll always have access to two at a time, with the ability to switch between them at any time.  You get access to other characters by hitting special monitors, which will switch out the character you're currently controlling for another.  It's an...interesting mode.

Sonic Mania Plus is a nice game for old-school Sonic fans.  The game cuts the bullshit and gets back to what made Sonic great.  Good graphics, great music, and the gameplay that Sonic Purist love.  Play it.

Street Fighter 3 Sao Paolo Theme

The Street Fighter 3 series soundtrack was straight fire, filled with tunes seemingly inspired by hip-hop.  Third Strike was my first experience with Street Fighter 3 and I absolutely loved it.  It wasn't until recently when I discovered how good the New Generation and 2nd Impact: Giant Attack soundtracks are.  That's also when I discovered this little gem from 2nd Impact.

It usually plays when you're fighting Sean, often regarded as a garbage character.  While the level of suckage he achieves is debatable, there's no doubt that this track isn't apart of that suckage.  If they ever bring Sean back as a playable character, this should be his theme.  They'll probably opt to use The Longhorseman instead, a pretty good track itself, but I'll pray for this.

This song reminds me of a hot summer afternoon.  Laura's rollerblading down the street.  Zangief and Elena living next door to each other, taking out trash and meeting in the front yard, then having an impromptu fight.  Uh oh!  Looks like my hypernerdiness is showing.

Anyway, it's a pretty good song and should come back whether or not Sean returns or uses it.  Agree?  Disagree?  Got a game song you'd like to share?  Comment and have your voice heard.

Megaman 11 Review (PS4)

It's that time again.  Time to take up your arm cannon, blast some robots, and once again challenge the series that won't die.  This is Megaman 11.

Megaman 11 is the next entry in a series that is easily one of my favorite ever.  Some games are better than other, but they're all robot-blasting fun for the most part.  So, how does this one stack up?  Let's dive in and find out.

Megaman is back to whup some robot ass.

At its base, it's the same Megaman action you've played many times before.  A little shooting here, a little platforming there, you know the drill.  Pick a level, make your way through it, whup the ass of the boss and steal his weapon, then move on to whup somebody else's ass.  As mentioned before, it's largely the same, right down to the difficulty.

Some puzzles are so easy, they'll put Megaman to sleep...

...while others will leave him scared and confused.

You may have guessed, but this game is as relentless as an angry pit bull.  There are beatings and rape waiting for you on every level.  A lot of the challenge comes from sucker punches, like falling into spikes you can't see until you hit them or an enemy stunning you, causing you to get killed by a forest fire or fall into a bottomless pit.  The challenge is further boosted by extremely long levels, terrible checkpoints, and random fuckshit.  It's fair for the most part, though.

Beware of bullshit.

If you take a single hit, the fire will catch up and instantly kill you.

The bosses, on the other hands, are easy by comparison.  You can beat them if you have two or three lives when you meet them (one to get slaughtered while you learn their pattern and another to hand their ass to them).  They're all perfectly beatable as your first pick, even if their levels aren't.

There are eight new asses to kick here.

The game's main gimmick is the new twin gear system, which enables you to briefly boost your speed (by slowing everything else down) or attack power.  This can be useful in tricky situations (like those stone grinder puzzles in Block Man's level).  This system can even affect your special weapon, changing how they shoot.  You can use it from the onset, when you want, as often as the cooldown period will let you.

If Dr. Light's explanation of the Double Gear system doesn't cut it for you...

...you can try it out for yourself in a tutorial.

If you're having trouble, you can always stop off at Dr. Light's Lab to give yourself an extra boost.  You can buy lives, E tanks, parts, and more.  The more hardcore players will probably laugh at such a thing, but newcomers and scrubs alike will be happy it's there.

The shop has useful items for those who are struggling.

Well, onto the little stuff.  The graphics are quite flashy.  It seems to be an update of Megaman 8's graphics, with crisp and cute look throughout.  There are big, flashy explosions that make it seem like Michael Bay had a hand in making this game.  Megaman's appearance (not just his color) changes when using different weapons.  You can also stun enemies with shields, leading to a mildly funny stun animation.  

Special weapons give Megaman the ability to strut down the catwalk as well as new powers.

Even enemies with shields aren't safe from a good ol' charged shot.

The music is among the weakest in the entire Megaman franchise.  In particular, the boss theme blows.  The music isn't terrible or bad compared to other games.  It just isn't up to Megaman standards.  It's still a head-rocking good time, just not as memorable or MP3-worthy as other Megaman soundtracks.  On another note, Megaman voice is irritating when he gets killed.  Seriously, he sounds like Edward Elric having an orgasm.  Just...ugh!

Other stuff includes a challenge mode and a gallery.  Most of the challenges involve going through the main level under differing circumstances.  The gallery is basically an enemy encyclopedia, allowing you to view the enemies in all their cuteness without taking an ass-whuppin'.  It also lets you view the bosses and listen to they lines they spout.  It's all...cute.  Also, it's small, but you now have the ability to leave any level at anytime, even if you haven't beaten the boss.  You won't lose any bolts you've collected or flush lives down the toilet when you want to leave, so feel free quit away.

The Gallery offers a safe look at the enemies, as well as a light description.

Challenges offer new ways to tackle the levels, among other things.

Megaman 11 is neat addition to the Megaman lineup.  It's the same shooting and platforming you know and love, with more flash.  I did like the long levels, but the checkpointing could have been better.  The Double Gear system adds to the formula without changing it.  The music may not be up to par with the rest of the series, but it's still good in it's own right.

Games I Shamelessly Admit I Like

Some games are bad.  Really bad.  Whether its flawed execution, bad design, bad programming, a stupid concept, or something else, some games are a cut below the rest.

Yet there are some bad games that people personally like.  Games deep down inside you know suck.  Every gamer has at least a few of these on their shelve.  These a my top 5 bad games that I enjoy.

1.  Rumble Roses (PS2)

When you think of pro wrestling, big musclemen usually come to mind.  Rumble Roses goes the opposite direction, utilizing a roster of smoking hot women instead.  The roster is pretty small, topping out at 11, but each character has face (good guy) and heel (bad guy) versions that you can switch between by making vows, then breaking them to turn heel or keeping them to turn face.  The game has some neat character themes, though some of the entrances are ridiculous.  The game looks good and the women are genuinely hot.  The gameplay resembles a typical wrestling game, but more barebones.  Don't expect a Create-A-Wrestling mode or anything cool like that.  As a whole, the gameplay is bland and the story is stupid, but it's graphics that make a game like this work.  This one gets passing grades on that front.

2.  Mega Man X6 (PS1)

From the first time I played Blizzard Wolfang's stage, I knew this was a bad game.  Still, I stuck with it for no other reason than that I was a Megaman fan and this was a Megaman game.  While the game never really got good, per se, I did gleam a few morsels of enjoyment from it.  The music is good, the graphics aren't terrible, and the gameplay is intense, as is usually the case with Mega Man games.  Some piss poor design choices, the Nightmare system, and extremely high levels of straight-up bullshit place this one solidly at the bottom of the X series (though that could change once I play X7).

3.  Dead Or Alive Xtreme Volleyball 2 (XB360)

The girls of Dead Or Alive strip down into swimsuits and play a number of games, including volleyball.  Honestly, this game is pretty shitty because the controls are trash.  How bad are they?  Cripplingly bad, especially when playing volleyball.  That's right.  It's a volleyball game where the volleyball is the worst part.  So what's good?  The women in swimsuits, duh.  If you want to drool over the women of DOA and can't grab a copy of DOAX3, this is your game.

4.  Atelier Totori (PS3)

Not a bad game.  A pretty good game in fact.  It's an RPG with a strong time management mechanic.  You take the role of a cute little girl as she travels around a cute little world with her cute little friends, killing cute little monsters while listening to cute little music.  The problem is that sometimes Totori is too girly, sometimes to the point where I say to myself, "I think I'm too old to be playing this game."  It's just an awkward feeling.  But as mentioned before, the game is good.  Plus, Melvia and Ceci are hot.

5.  NBA 2K3 (PS2 & Gamecube)

Here's a real throwback.  This game is 17 years old.  Players constantly miss layup and dunks, sometimes missing as many as five in row.  That is total crap because that would never happen in a real game.  Seriously, just imagine watching a basketball game and watching LeBron James miss five straight dunks in a single game.  How would that look?  Also, there are some AI glitches that happen regularly, like the opposing team inbounding the ball to their point guard, who then decides not to move.  It'll do that for an entire quarter.  It's embarrassing.  Then, sometimes the game will just crash, making this the only PS2/Gamecube (I have both versions) game I've ever played to do this.  Despite all the problems, the game can be fun when it works.  Also, the graphics held up well, with the players and courts still look good.  Against all logic, this is the only basketball game I play on a regular basis.  I've never played NBA 2K19 (2K13 is the most recent one I've played), but I'm still playing 2K3 on the Wii (ah, backwards compatibility) and PS2.  That has to count for something.

And those are five bad games I have a soft spot for.  Four of the five are undeniably bad, but have a level of charm to them.  As mentioned before, Atelier Totori isn't a bad game.  It just makes me feel weird.  So, you could say it's really four bad games and one that makes me feel weird.  Agree?  Disagree?  What are five pieces of crap that you like regardless?  Feel free to comment and have your voice heard.

Videogame Hotties: Kai

She's a sniper.  She has a hat that looks like cat eats.  She has a nice butt.  It's Kai from Valkyria Chronicles 4.

Kai is a cute, but tough little sniper.  On top of having looks, she's an officer, which means using her gives you extra command points.  She can also command a small little group of her own, thanks to the SP system.  Also, as a minor spoiler, Kai isn't her real name, but a name she goes by.  I won't say why, but you better believe she's got a secret.

Look at Kai, standing like a G.

Another secret is what's under that cloak.

Okay...if you say so.

One thing that isn't a secret is her cute hat.

Her "cat ears" are the last thing a dead enemy sees.

Neither is her nice butt.

With a butt like this...

...teammates can't help but grab a handful of it...

...and ignore a perfectly good chest.

Nor is her insatiable appetite for bacon.

She really loves bacon.

We'll see if that changes after her first heart attack.

And her aim can't be beat.

The enemy is up crap creek now.

Poor guy, staring right in the face of his own death.

She's not afraid of a good fist fight.

And she can take a bullet as good as she can give one.

Is this the end of Kai?

She can get overbearing when she wants to.

The dreaded motherly lecture, complete with the raised finger.

That's just because she cares, though.

Ignore the abrasive words.  She cares.

And that's Kai.  She's cute, tough, and caring.  Oh, and her butt isn't bad.  If you want a woman who can blast heads with the best of 'em, she's the one for you.  Check her out in Valkyria Chronicles 4.